IBM Layoffs. They Are A Coming......

IBM is about to layoff 100,000 employees world wide. How exciting.

26% of the workforce is going to be shown the exit sign and then kicked right past it.

It will be the largest mass layoff at any company in the last 20 years. Go big or go home. Really they just want you to go home…..And never come back.

Nicely done IBM. They must be so proud.

http://spectrum.ieee.org/…/massive-worldwide-layoff-underwa…

"notices have started going out, and most of the hundred-thousand-plus will likely be gone by the end of February."

"IBM immediately denied Cringely’s report, indicating that a planned $600 million “workforce rebalancing” was going to involve layoffs (or what the company calls “Resource Actions”) of just thousands of people. But Cringely responded that he never said that the workforce reductions would be all called layoffs—instead, multiple tactics are being used, including pushing employees out through low ratings (more on that in a moment). And some managers are indeed admitting to employees that their job has been eliminated as part of Project Chrome, leading employees to coin a new catchphrase: “Getting Chromed.” "

"Alliance@IBM, the IBM employees’ union, says it has so far collected reports of 5000 jobs eliminated, including 250 in Boulder, Colo., 150 in Columbia, Missouri, and 202 in Dubuque, Iowa. Layoffs in Littleton, Mass., are reportedly “massive,” but no specific numbers have been published."

"Pink slips have been said to be flying at IBM Australia, with rumors of 400 workers to be cut. And the Economic Times in India reported last week that employees of IBM’s offices in Bengaluru were scrambling to find new jobs, trying to get out of IBM ahead of the coming tsunami."

"Those are official layoff numbers. But then there’s that performance rating ploy—also known as a stealth layoff—that involves giving a previously highly rated employee the lowest rating (a 3), before showing them the door."

"The 3 can lead to immediate dismissal, particularly in older employees on what IBM calls the “Bridge to Retirement” program, in which employees commit to a specific retirement date and accept cuts in hours and pay in return for being protected from dismissal unless they get a poor performance rating."

"For younger employees, a rating of 3 can put an employee into what is called a Performance Improvement Plan, and if the rating doesn’t improve in a set period of time, the employee can be fired for cause. Giving out 3s works to the company’s benefit even if employees are officially laid off, because it can lead to reduced severance benefits."

"This isn’t the first time IBM employees have received aberrant poor performance reviews shortly before a layoff; it’s reportedly standard operating procedure. A former employee who was the victim of a Resource Action in 2010 confirmed this, telling me that after years of top ratings, he received a 3 just before his job was eliminated, even though he’d just had what he perceived as his best year ever."

"Anecdotal evidence is beginning to pile up. At the Alliance@IBM website, an employee comment thread indicates that a sudden flood of bad reviews indeed starting coming in last week."

http://www.latimes.com/…/la-fi-mh-ibm-redefines-20150202-co…

Please don’t freak out though because it is not all bad news. The CEO is being rewarded with a $100,000 pay increase (1.6 million dollar base salary) PLUS a $3,600,000.00 BONUS……PLUS a 13.3 MILLION DOLLAR Stock incentive……all for doing such a great job.

So why is the CEO getting such a raise. Well…….

IBM's revenue declined by nearly 6%, (congrats) and net income by 27%. (Lets Celebrate)

IBM shares began 2014 at a dividend-adjusted $183.12 and ended the year at $160.44, a decline of 12.4%. (Declines = a reason for paying the CEO lots more money. Rewarding failure is a staple of Corporate America. It is as American as Apple Pie.)

During that period, the Standard & Poor's 500 index rose 12.4%

IBM has been the worst performing stock on the Dow Jones Industrial Average for two years running. (Awesome!)

Yup…..The reason rich people have more money is because they work harder (than you) and are just overall smarter. You think it is easy running a company into the ground? Well it is….. Now if you will excuse me I have a lot of money to count.

Running a big company really is easy as sh*t. First you get rid of everyone. Then you count all your money. It is a lot easier to count the money when nobody is in the building distracting you too.

Also nobody will look at you funny when you dance like Fred Astaire up and down all the empty aisles of abandoned cubicles. Nothing makes a CEO happier than empty cubicles. That sight can bring tear to ones eye.