Thursday, November 16, 2017

Congressional Shush Fund For Inappropriate Behavior.

When members of your United States Congress act inappropriately there is a tax payer fund which pays off the victims to make it all go away.
The misbehaving member of congress doesn't have to pay anything.
It is all kept confidential.
They harass.
You pay.
Everyone shuts up.
Everyone is happy.
So far it has cost you at least $15,000,000.00
Any questions?

Keystone Pipeline Leaking....

The Keystone pipeline will be completely safe.
No need to worry about anything.
No way that thing will ever leak.
What is 210,000 gallons anyway? That is like a couple of drops.
Throw some hay on top of the spill and move on.
Not even worth talking about.

Taxing Student Loan Interest....

Republicans are about to f*ck over the college kids.
If house Republicans get their way Student loan interest will no longer be tax deductible.
That will help off set the massive tax breaks going to rich corporations.
They tell everyone It is a giant tax cut for EVERYONE..... except for 25% of the middle class and stupid college kids.
The reason college kids keep getting fucked over (and over) is because they have no lobbyists in Washington.
They are poor.....generally uninterested, and completely uninformed.
They have this pie in the sky idea the world is fair. That makes it is super easy to take complete advantage.
They have already been beaten senseless (over debt) so why not toss some more rocks at them. Not like they will fight back, or even notice.

Al Franken.....

The fake headline states Franken "allegedly" groped a girl while she slept.
The picture in the article shows he actually did do it.
Not allegeded at all.
Don't worry though because last week it was announced Congress is going to get "retraining".
Members of Congress may have forgotten you shouldn't grope women's breasts while they sleep.
After retraining it will all be good.

Killing Elephants.....

Very Disappointing......
If you want to go kill an innocent elephant, who is minding its own business, and not bothering anybody, you could always go do that.
But now if you want to bring the dead body back to the United States ,and hang it on your wall so everyone know how awesome you are, you can now do that too.
I mean what is the point in murdering an innocent elephant if you can't show it off to your rich friends. So now that injustice has been lifted so go load those guns and get going.
You better hurry though because there are only 350,000 elephants left in the world and they are going fast.
Rich people can't kill them fast enough.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Digital Pills.....

Digital pills.........
Add it to the list......
Your cell phone spies on you.
Your TV spies on you.
Your thermostat spies on you.
Your vacuum spies on you.
Now your pharmaceuticals will also be spying on you.
When you don't take your pills the swat team will be coming to your door.
The Dr is not just recommending that you take their never ending supplies of pills........ but they are demanding it.
If you don't take the pills you won't run out of them. Then how will you need to buy more? It is not enough to just tell you to take them..... they need to be sure.
Pharmaceutical companies have to meet their sales goals and it is a lot easier when they know exactly how many of their pills you are consuming in real time.
Pills with sensors......Fabulous.

1% Now Controls 50%

As the Millennials remain shackled in their parents basements, under a mountain of Student loan debt, I am happy to report that the rich are even richer.
High five!!!!!!!!
1% now control 50% of the worlds wealth. Congrats! You earned it. Clearly.
What this story shows is that Barack Obama was VERY good to the super duper rich people.
They were rich before…….. but they are stupid rich now. Thanks Barack.
The bank’s researchers see wealth inequality as largely being a result of the financial crisis— (Government bailouts helped the super rich become even richer……)it rose across the world between 2007 and 2016
(Who was president over those years? Oh wait…..I remember.)
since mid-2016, Credit Suisse described a mixed picture. Non-financial wealth has been increasing “substantially,” butinequality is still rising.
(It will take more than 10 months for Trump to fix the Obama carnage……. but things are looking better)
“So far, the Trump Presidency has seen businesses flourish and employment grow,
The top 1% started the millennium owning 45.5% of all wealth, and now they have 50.1%.
(It may have been a bad economy for you…..But THEY didn’t even notice. It was all caviar dreams)
“Looking at the bottom of the wealth distribution, 3.5 billion people—corresponding to 70% of all adults in the world—own less than $10,000.
Those with low wealth tend to be disproportionately found among the younger age groups (the ones who voted for Obama) , who have had little chance to accumulate assets, but we find that millennials face particularly challenging circumstances compared to other generations,”
(The young people who ran to Obama…..He was their guy……And he screwed them……Enjoy your parents basement……Thanks for voting)
Essentially, millennials are more likely to be unemployed or earning less, priced out of the housing market, and unable to get a pension. Baby boomers have most of the wealth and the housing, so “millennials are doing less well than their parents at the same age.”
(Hope and change…….Yes we can…….)